Openness & Honesty in Relationships

I was up before the birds this morning so I decided to catch up on some of my reading. I’m a few days behind on my M’Cheyne reading plan. (I highly recommend it for anyone seeking a yearly through the bible reading plan, by the way!)

After a conversation with a friend last night I was reminded of the importance of complete honesty in relationships. The gospel of John constantly describes Christ as a LIGHT. He came into the world to reveal truth, to convict, to challenge, and to show the way to God. “I have come as Light into the world, so that everyone who believes in Me will not remain in darkness.” (John 12:46 NASB)

God doesn’t want us to stay in darkness or delusion and those who want to follow him must accept the fact that he cannot and will not let us stay there.”For You light my lamp; the LORD my God illumines my darkness.” (Psalm 18:28 NASB)

Christ is our light—a guide, a way out of darkness, confusion, unrest, and sin. Hebrews 4:12 says that the word of God (Jesus) is alive and active and it (he) has the power to pierce our hearts and judge the attitudes of our heart. Because of this “word” lives and also lives IN us, we will constantly be challenged and provoked to deal with areas in our lives that we might just want to leave alone (let sleeping dogs lie, they say). God loves us too much to allow us to ignore our issues.

Far too often we are guilty of caring more for our own feelings (not wanting to be judged as judgmental or misunderstood)—under the guise of caring for others’ feelings, of course—when discussing important things. Perhaps it is because we are buying into the lie of our culture that speaking ones opinion of truth is unloving or judgmental. Or perhaps it is because we despise conflict and would rather avoid it at all costs… (I fit the latter, I’m afraid).

I used to be quite open and honest, especially in close friendships. My friends would say, “I always know you’ll tell me the truth—even if I don’t want to hear it.” I’ve changed so much in this. I think some of that change has been a good thing (part of maturing is learning to keep your mouth closed until you know it’s time to open it. 😉 ) But I also think I’m beginning to swing too far on the other side—beating around the bush and telling people what they want to hear to avoid conflict—and that is wrong and selfish.

If we are children of light, the fruit of that will be openness and honesty in our relationships, especially with our brothers and sisters in Christ.* There is a fine line between gently communicating something someone may need to hear and roughing them up, of course, but we really need to consider this. You know the saying, if someone’s house is on fire, wouldn’t you tell them or try to save them? Yet we ignore fires all of the time. Do we want to be conformed into the image of Christ? If we do, then our brothers and sisters must be allowed to be honest with us and visa versa. “Do unto others” is the rule to live by but maybe we are following this in the wrong way—maybe WE aren’t honest because we don’t want anyone being honest with us in return. 😉 Oh how we despise having our real selves exposed.

Jesus was always honest when people asked him a question or asked him to share his opinion. Sometimes his honesty was gentle, sometimes in the form of a parable or question, sometimes he was blunt. But he was ALWAYS truthful. Everything he said and did in relationships was said and done in love.  He walked in the truth and spoke the truth because he loved his father and he loved us. He didn’t tell half-truths or beat around the bush just to avoid conflict. There wasn’t time for that, he had a mission to accomplish: the will of his father.

Lord help us to follow your example.

“I must take my emotional opinions and intellectual beliefs and be willing to turn them into a moral verdict against the nature of sin; that is, against any claim I have to my right to myself.” Oswald Chambers

*Please note, this is not an encouragement to be critical. There is a huge difference between being critical (constantly looking for fault in others) and being honest when in discussion. Check out the link to read a great devotion on that.