That saying, “If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans” might as well be my life’s storyline. I often feel like my plans, even the little ones, are constantly interrupted.
I have a little Critic in my head, constantly accusing me of not being able to follow through or be as productive as I should. For years I’ve had plans to put more videos on YouTube, update my blog more regularly, record more music, collaborate with more artists, finish a book I started writing years ago, type up the children’s stories that I’m constantly writing in my head, work on the cooking portion of my Stephologie blog, etc.. This year we had every intention of publishing a weekly podcast starting on January 1. Then we experienced a mold disaster that ate up months of our time and many of our resources. Today, the mics and everything else I need to use to record that podcast have still not been set up. The constant set backs have been discouraging and disheartening and honestly, sometimes I have just wanted to give up.
Fortunately, the Lord’s voice breaks through to me when I’m ready to “throw in the towel.” His voice is quiet, but it’s stronger than the Critic. He tells me that he knows the plans he has for me. He tells me that every set back that has happened or that will happen will not hinder his ultimate plan. He assures me that he will fulfill his purpose for me, no matter how many obstacles are thrown in the way.
The truth is, what we accomplish in our lives—or better said, what the world can see us accomplish—means far less to God than we think. His idea of greatness, success, and productivity, is quite different than ours. In God’s eyes, who we are and who we allow him to re-create us to be is more important than the lists we make or the goals we set.
Yesterday, instead of getting anything on my “to do” list accomplished, I sat with a sick and feverish baby in my arms. It was not restful, it was not comfortable. But was my day unproductive? Absolutely not. If anything, the investment I made today in the life of my child will accomplish more for God’s kingdom than any podcast, blog, book or CD I could ever publish. I’ve mentioned this before, but the most important thing an artist can do is live their life. It’s when we are tending to our children or cleaning up our possessions from moldy grossness that we become who we were made to be. The songs that flow after the craziest of seasons have substance, because they are written by someone who has experienced real life.
I admire those who make lists and check them off. I admire those who set monthly goals and always meet them. But, as this week has taught me, I’ve not yet reached that season. Maybe I will someday, or maybe, it’s just not my calling. For now, I can pray that nothing will ever actually hinder the plans, even if they are delayed, and that God will send help when it’s needed (he has so often!). I can pray that I will learn to take great joy in checking off the to do list of plans that GOD has for me, even if it’s not what I have written down. And I can pray for peace. Peace as I learn to embrace this life I’ve been given and not ask for more … or settle for less.
